I overheard a conversation when I was in Aspen, Colorado one summer. Two women were seeing each other for the first time in months. The minute they said “Hi” one complimented the other. “Wow you look great!”
And the other woman responded, “Are you kidding? Why do I even pay my trainer? Look at the inside of my thighs!!”
The other woman replied, “Your thighs? Look at my jiggly arm fat!!”
That conversation is typical. I bet you have said something similar. We all do because as a society but especially as women we tend to bond over what’s wrong with us.
We bond over what’s wrong with our job, what’s wrong with our body, our face, our hair. Instead of what’s actually going right, or what is amazingly awesome about us.
This negativity usually extends past ourselves to other people. It’s delicious to exchange gossip– because we get useful information about others in our social circle that way– and getting that view about other peoples lives and troubles makes us feel about her own life.
Most people feel uncomfortable saying positive things about their lives because society has seen a total clampdown on talking about success. Talking about your own development and your efforts to better yourself is definitely not considered cool.
This hurts you in every area you are trying to improve. Negativity is a reverse motivator. When it comes to weight, this snark and negativity is literally keeping fat on you.
It’s thought of as bragging by most people to focus on what is going well. It is uncool to be relentlessly positive.
The unwritten rule of society is that you’re never supposed to talk about what you’re excited about. Whether it’s a job or the guy you’re dating or your kids excelling in a class or sport, you are supposed to “play it down.”
As a result, we’re stuck in a place that it is NOT (really) acceptable to improve your life.
I love reading self-help books. When I was in my 20s I had a stack of self-help books on my nightstand. But when my best friend saw my books she told me to hide them because no guy would ever date me if they saw how many books there were.
I ended up hiding Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins thinking a guy wouldn’t be interested in me if I was interested in self-improvement.
Today I know that’s ridiculous but I bet you that someone somewhere is hiding their self-help books at this very moment!
As you succeed on The Cheat System Diet, and succeed on the tools that we provide at PEERtrainer, I want you to find friends who really are supportive, and who are comfortable with you being great.
I have made this a must have in my life and it’s improved my daily life, health and other aspects of life dramatically. And I want all of us to adopt this as a rule: We focus on what is going great, and we have the courage to bond with others about what it great and positive.
In order for you to continue on the path you’re on which is a positive awesome life-changing path you need to make sure you get love and support from people who aren’t riding the negative spiral downward.
Just as you have moved away from the Cheats and toward the Eats on your plate you can begin to tip the scales in the negative to the positive for yourself, your social circle, and even your family.
You can start to shift what you bond over with each of your friends and family members, even with your spouse. This new rule will be a powerful force in your life!!
This can be tough to do because our brains are hardwired to focus on what’s going wrong. Remember our brains see this a problem to solve.
It’s important to remind yourself of what’s right, what’s working, and what’s good in your life.
That helps you see our hurdle as what it is– an obstacle to get over instead of a giant stop sign.
You can start by trying to bond over the smallest positive things which can be really powerful.
Start with one person.
Learn how to avoid self-deprecation, and enabling it, by offering that one person help advice and ideas instead of falling into the negative muck.
It might be difficult especially if you’ve always connected with your best friend or your spouse or your parents around that’s bad or not working in your life.
But it’s definitely worth trying because once you find the person who will be positive and offer you support in love with that bring you down it will give you so much joy, AND help you keep improving yourself!
But what all my friends are negative?
If finding that person in your life is proving to be a challenge that’s okay. After all ,we can’t do anything to control other people even if you’re trying to help them make a positive change!!
If all the people in your life seem to have a cloud over their heads come visit us at PEERtrainer.com and join a group challenge. PEERtrainer was created as a place where people with positive goals could get together and use the power of peer pressure for good instead of encouraging negative behavior which it usually does!
So many of our members have succeeded because the help they received from other people in our forums, in our groups, and in our challenges.
You can be completely anonymous if you want this creates a safe space for you to talk about your struggles, your pain, your concerns, your questions and your triumphs.
Because it’s anonymous, people tend to tell the truth.
When you have a problem and five people you don’t know all offer the same solution and encouragement for you to solve that problem you will know and trust those people are telling you the truth. And that’s immensely powerful!!
Now is the time for you to focus on you specifically on how great you are!
This article was adapted from Chapter 10 of The Cheat System Diet.