What Is Okayness?
Your okayness is your simple, basic fundamental sense that there is nothing wrong with you. That you’re not fundamentally screwed up or damaged goods; that your feelings, thoughts and emotional responses to things are okay and not “wrong”.
When you lack a solid, consistent sense of okayness, you often feel like you need the approval of others, because it’s through that approval that you find at least a temporary sense of okayness. You feel okay, safe and on solid ground as long as the people around you are happy with you.
One more thought on this: if your parents didn’t have that sense of “okayness” for themselves, there’s virtually no way they could have passed it onto you.
Though not intentional, it’s almost certain that the communication in your home and the emotional modeling you received from them was 100% set-up to assure that you don’t have it as well.
So regardless of your specific story, understand that the seeds of this come from the past, and you truly can start to let it go and leave it there.
So How Then Do We Learn to Live Without Apology?
So this all sounds fine and dandy, but how do I start making things different in my life?
Here are 4 specific tools to begin working with: