12. You Resent Your Partner
Studies show that the top reasons women don’t have sex have to do with their relationship. I see this constantly in my practice and I’ve seen it in my own life. While many women love their husbands and are happy in their relationship, many tell me they are also carrying around some resentment for their partner.
This was a major issue in my relationship a few years ago – significant enough that it almost led me to a divorce and certainly was leading to less sex in our house. I found out that the key was figuring out my role in the resentment cycle. Frequently when I felt resentful it was because I wasn’t setting boundaries in my relationship. Instead of doing things for myself like going to a spa appointment, I would stay home because I thought it would upset my husband if I wasn’t doting on him and my family. So I stayed home doing what I saw as my duty, increasing my resentment.
I learned from a very wise counselor that if I set boundaries and started taking better care of myself that I’d experience less resentment. She taught me that when resentment is high, self-care is low and this is a mantra I now live by. When my self care is higher and resentment is lower, sex is much higher on my to-do list. This concept has changed my relationship and those of patients I’ve taught it to.